Post by Guess Who on Oct 15, 2008 9:30:36 GMT 1
Martin (HANDS) Smith………. SCHMICHAEL ESQ.
Safe Hands. Has come through the Luke Ayrton Acadamy of Excellence. Kicks like a mule on steroids.
Hugo (THE MONK) White………. GROBELAAR ESQ.
Absolutely Mental. Were even to scared to comment on this one, he could kill us.
Jamie (NO LEFT FOOT) Yeo………. DENNIS IRWIN ESQ.
Is 100% committed to the Heather, and been at the club since Medieval Times. Adores downsydrome babes from Weymouth.
Craig (TANK) Marchant………. NEMANJA VIDIC ESQ.
A no nonesence centre-half who loves a big tackle and a header. Is sorely missed when executing terrorists in Iraq. Has a sister who I think its pretty safe to say has swapped saliver with most of the team. Shes great!
John (BAKED BEAN HEAD) Austin………. SENDEROS ESQ.
Hardest man in Ferndown. Good in the air, we just wish he was as good on the deck as he is at gambling. Loves a beer and sometimes been known to bang hookers.
Matt (DIRTY SPAINISH WAITER) Farley………. WARREN BARTON ESQ.
Matts dad is the teams tatical coach hence Matts role in the starting line-up. Matt Broke his nose this season, but do you think that stops him snorting crack off a dirty skanks butt cheeks? Nahhhh….. Good ping on him though.
Mike ‘PIN-UP, CUNNIE’ Constable………. JAMIE CARRAGHER ESQ.
Commanding Centre-half (standing at 5ft 2!!) who can equally adapt to full back. Will organize any defence and keep spirts high on and off the pitch. A vital part of any team, but will constantly give the boss a headache! Sorry to disappoint you girls, this ones got a hot girlfriend!
Jim ‘BAKED BEAN HEAD 2’ Legg………. JEAN-ALAIN BOUMSONG ESQ.
Huge ass. Danny Moores’ dad swears he wears a nappy. Good in the air (But so would anyone standing at ‘6ft 11’) Likes the sound of his own voice, but extraordinarly good on a night out. Good facial hair.
Luke ‘THE REAL DEAL’ Ayrton……….GATTUSO ESQ.
Hates losing, hard Tackling midfielder who loves to give the attackers a defence-splitting pass or two, has a non-stop engine whos the heart of the Heather. No doubt the most annoying high pitched voice in any of the Bournemouth leagues.Has his own School of excellence programme too. Never leave your girlfriend with him…. Dangerous.
Danny ‘ONE-WAY’ Moore………. MATT LE TISSIER ESQ.
Untouchable in the oppostions half. Non-Existant in our own. Jesus has blessed this boy with his left foot. Recently a daddy, they’ve been swapping clothes since.
Ashley ‘ASHRAB’ Boyt………. ZIDANE ESQ (But Quicker and with more hair)
Straight out of Galatasarys’ acadamy. Superb techniqual ability with two great feet and certainly an eye for goal. Shame he cant put a condom on though!!
Perry ’TEN TOUCH’ Fry………. RAY PARLOUR ESQ.
More tricks than Arse Daniels but takes penalties like Debbie Mcghee. Great touch, great technique, picks out a pass or two also. Doesn’t mind to track back to help the defence. (Danny Moore take note!!)
Lewis ‘TRIPOD’ Burgis………. CRISTIANO RONALDO ESQ.
Great left foot, great in the air and is always going to be good for 20 goals a season and to bed as many girls in a season. Can adapt to left back if required and wont back down from a challenge. Been known to make many pikey girls from ‘The Howe’ slack indefanately.
Bob ‘THE BODY’ Fox………. RUEL FOX ESQ.
Lightening fast with the ball, even quicker between the sheets (Thanks Sarah!!)
Looks liken the Coco-pops Monkey but is defiantely King of our jungle. ‘ONE TO WATCH’
Warren ‘WAZZA’ DOYLE………. MIKEL ARTETA ESQ.
If every man was like Wazza the worl would be a better place to live. Awesome touch, awesome crosses, awesome player. Fake scouse accent. Hes a player for the big occasions. Watch out ladies he’s known to us as the ‘rear door’ enforcer.
Sammy ‘TATTOO’ Doe……….AARON LENNON ESQ.
More tattoo’s than Tommy Lee Jones, less class than Pete Doherty. Quick and agile who pops up with a goal too.
Matt ‘RODNEY’ Groves………. AGBONLAHOR ESQ.
Quick…………………………………..and sometimes good.
Mark ‘TAKE MY BREATH AWAY’ Downes-yndrome……… STEVE CLARIDGE
108 years old and still banging them in for fun. HOT GIRLFRIEND… But still refuses to wash his pants. We’ll give you £50 if you win more than two headers against this guy.
Adam ‘BUZZ’ Light………. SHEARER ESQ.
Pace, Strength, heading this hunk has got everything including chlamydia (Thanks Lyndsy!) Works hard and scores loads. Great player. But does have to practice SPOT against the wall every Monday, Wednseday and Friday between 6pm-7pm to make sure his finsihing doesn’t get too irratic.
Simon ‘SCOOP’ Ward……… KANU ESQ.
Long-legged 6ft 3 attacker, who can get the ball down and manipulate any defence. Good new signing for the Heather, who can play anywhere across the Midfield and Up Top if required. Transferred from the dark side of Ferndown to the Hunky Side. The worst drunk I have ever meet though, don’t ever feed him vodka, its like Spinach for Popeye but in reverse!!!
Christian ‘SHOULD HAVE BEEN A PRO’ Hillman….. BERGKAMP ESQ.
Only plays 5 games a season but sheer class in every one. His nickname says it all. A Bernie Hallam prodigy.
Safe Hands. Has come through the Luke Ayrton Acadamy of Excellence. Kicks like a mule on steroids.
Hugo (THE MONK) White………. GROBELAAR ESQ.
Absolutely Mental. Were even to scared to comment on this one, he could kill us.
Jamie (NO LEFT FOOT) Yeo………. DENNIS IRWIN ESQ.
Is 100% committed to the Heather, and been at the club since Medieval Times. Adores downsydrome babes from Weymouth.
Craig (TANK) Marchant………. NEMANJA VIDIC ESQ.
A no nonesence centre-half who loves a big tackle and a header. Is sorely missed when executing terrorists in Iraq. Has a sister who I think its pretty safe to say has swapped saliver with most of the team. Shes great!
John (BAKED BEAN HEAD) Austin………. SENDEROS ESQ.
Hardest man in Ferndown. Good in the air, we just wish he was as good on the deck as he is at gambling. Loves a beer and sometimes been known to bang hookers.
Matt (DIRTY SPAINISH WAITER) Farley………. WARREN BARTON ESQ.
Matts dad is the teams tatical coach hence Matts role in the starting line-up. Matt Broke his nose this season, but do you think that stops him snorting crack off a dirty skanks butt cheeks? Nahhhh….. Good ping on him though.
Mike ‘PIN-UP, CUNNIE’ Constable………. JAMIE CARRAGHER ESQ.
Commanding Centre-half (standing at 5ft 2!!) who can equally adapt to full back. Will organize any defence and keep spirts high on and off the pitch. A vital part of any team, but will constantly give the boss a headache! Sorry to disappoint you girls, this ones got a hot girlfriend!
Jim ‘BAKED BEAN HEAD 2’ Legg………. JEAN-ALAIN BOUMSONG ESQ.
Huge ass. Danny Moores’ dad swears he wears a nappy. Good in the air (But so would anyone standing at ‘6ft 11’) Likes the sound of his own voice, but extraordinarly good on a night out. Good facial hair.
Luke ‘THE REAL DEAL’ Ayrton……….GATTUSO ESQ.
Hates losing, hard Tackling midfielder who loves to give the attackers a defence-splitting pass or two, has a non-stop engine whos the heart of the Heather. No doubt the most annoying high pitched voice in any of the Bournemouth leagues.Has his own School of excellence programme too. Never leave your girlfriend with him…. Dangerous.
Danny ‘ONE-WAY’ Moore………. MATT LE TISSIER ESQ.
Untouchable in the oppostions half. Non-Existant in our own. Jesus has blessed this boy with his left foot. Recently a daddy, they’ve been swapping clothes since.
Ashley ‘ASHRAB’ Boyt………. ZIDANE ESQ (But Quicker and with more hair)
Straight out of Galatasarys’ acadamy. Superb techniqual ability with two great feet and certainly an eye for goal. Shame he cant put a condom on though!!
Perry ’TEN TOUCH’ Fry………. RAY PARLOUR ESQ.
More tricks than Arse Daniels but takes penalties like Debbie Mcghee. Great touch, great technique, picks out a pass or two also. Doesn’t mind to track back to help the defence. (Danny Moore take note!!)
Lewis ‘TRIPOD’ Burgis………. CRISTIANO RONALDO ESQ.
Great left foot, great in the air and is always going to be good for 20 goals a season and to bed as many girls in a season. Can adapt to left back if required and wont back down from a challenge. Been known to make many pikey girls from ‘The Howe’ slack indefanately.
Bob ‘THE BODY’ Fox………. RUEL FOX ESQ.
Lightening fast with the ball, even quicker between the sheets (Thanks Sarah!!)
Looks liken the Coco-pops Monkey but is defiantely King of our jungle. ‘ONE TO WATCH’
Warren ‘WAZZA’ DOYLE………. MIKEL ARTETA ESQ.
If every man was like Wazza the worl would be a better place to live. Awesome touch, awesome crosses, awesome player. Fake scouse accent. Hes a player for the big occasions. Watch out ladies he’s known to us as the ‘rear door’ enforcer.
Sammy ‘TATTOO’ Doe……….AARON LENNON ESQ.
More tattoo’s than Tommy Lee Jones, less class than Pete Doherty. Quick and agile who pops up with a goal too.
Matt ‘RODNEY’ Groves………. AGBONLAHOR ESQ.
Quick…………………………………..and sometimes good.
Mark ‘TAKE MY BREATH AWAY’ Downes-yndrome……… STEVE CLARIDGE
108 years old and still banging them in for fun. HOT GIRLFRIEND… But still refuses to wash his pants. We’ll give you £50 if you win more than two headers against this guy.
Adam ‘BUZZ’ Light………. SHEARER ESQ.
Pace, Strength, heading this hunk has got everything including chlamydia (Thanks Lyndsy!) Works hard and scores loads. Great player. But does have to practice SPOT against the wall every Monday, Wednseday and Friday between 6pm-7pm to make sure his finsihing doesn’t get too irratic.
Simon ‘SCOOP’ Ward……… KANU ESQ.
Long-legged 6ft 3 attacker, who can get the ball down and manipulate any defence. Good new signing for the Heather, who can play anywhere across the Midfield and Up Top if required. Transferred from the dark side of Ferndown to the Hunky Side. The worst drunk I have ever meet though, don’t ever feed him vodka, its like Spinach for Popeye but in reverse!!!
Christian ‘SHOULD HAVE BEEN A PRO’ Hillman….. BERGKAMP ESQ.
Only plays 5 games a season but sheer class in every one. His nickname says it all. A Bernie Hallam prodigy.